It’s 1:03AM and I have something to say through words. This originally was an instagram caption but yo, it became the world’s longest caption, so I ctlr+alt+deleted that mug. But I’m hard-pressed to keep it real this late night (or morning?)…CS Lewis said it best, what these series of images I received tonight emitted to my soul.
“...the delight is incomplete til it is expressed.” - CS Lewis (Four Loves)
Nobody online sees every aspect of my life (as like yourself) just the handpicked and the special people and places that God has been abundantly kind to lay before me. Here I am joyfully in the moment when I’m most creatively alive—playing around in the spaces of nature and diving into people’s unique stories of pain, redemption and love. Sometimes it’s at weddings, lifestyle, event shoots or just hearing the vision ignite in a friend across a coffee table. So as artists should, I must give credit to the skillful hands that God created in Katherine Claire, a seeker of beauty and fellow artist who had no idea til I texted her how critical of myself I’ve been lately.
See, the paradox is I love the camera, something in me is like “ACTION” but I hate seeing the finished work if it’s if of me. I’ll blame my horrendous inner motto, “Champion of others, hater of oneself.” Self-deprecation is evil, grimy and funny because it really makes no sense, just like…sin. Humor helps because it’s a comfortable coping mechanism I’ve been accustomed to since childhood when life and it’s painful experiences add up. Sometimes laughing through deep pain just holds you from completely crumbling. But deep down, the shattering has already happened and the best and only way through is redirecting my focus to the ultimate sufferer and healer, Jesus.
After KC sent me these images I was stunned, no words from my inner dialogue but shook with gratitude. It’s been a hard battle lately to simply, be okay with where God has me in all aspects but especially physically. You know, I’m not those lucky ones from the gene pool of great genetics for the human body. HA, I work out and eat well mostly but let’s just face it, God has uniquely made each person’s body and I’m more Serena Williams built than Kendall Jenner. And thats alright but do you hear it….’envy’ is the name and I know the game too well. It not only steals but kills joy, always constantly needing to strive and no room for true rest.
But His kindness has lead me to repentance and the kind of compassion none but only God can show sinners like us. It’s stupid that the enemy makes me believe I’m missing something..like what are you talking about satan? I have Jesus, so I have everything! You’d think I would have a resounding belief of yes and amen, to that statement but if I’m being honest that’s probably going to be my prayer to the grave and I’m for dang sure confident the Lord will fulfill His completion in me AND soon Christ is swooping on in for God’s kids.
In this life, culture says “look better, sound better, do better, be your best version ??? ,” (hey, kay.) It’s garbage but it’s clever garbage and it’s very convincing. So how do we fight?
We look to Jesus. At the foot of the cross, Christ died for all that nonsense of “bettering and self-help” and simply said, “it is finished,” and bore all the striving, perfection-seeking and said “come to me, all who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest.” We are all in either camp, weary or heavy burdened or both. If I can be super candid, I don’t know a more broken, in need of a Savior and pride-filled creature than us, humanity. But this story doesn’t stop there with such glorious love of the Father towards us, Jesus Christ our Lord bore our sin and shame on Calvary. All because he LOVED us!!! YALL HE LOVED US, the broken imperfect ones. Gosh, the gospel never gets old and if it starts to or I forget it’s time to run fast to His arms because it’s the only good news I got to hold onto to in this life!
I once heard one of my favorite bible teachers, Jenn Wilkin say, “it’s not that Jesus is all we need, He’s all we have.”
So as long as the good Lord has me telling stories through photos and film or simply being photographed *cue Photograph by Nickleback* repeatedly it’s all for Him and I’m learning in this place how much better only Jesus is and He calls me His own.
Alt caption: I got the joy joy down in my heart, YEET.
